yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
