Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize