All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
