I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
