I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
