you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I didn't notice because vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
