The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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