wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
