i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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