part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
