the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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