people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
