im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
