i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
