I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize