Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My balls are so social today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
