My sheets look like a crime scene.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
