did you get engaged???
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
