this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
