In the future we'll all be gay
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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