i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
