Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
