why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
