He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
