Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
