i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
