i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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