just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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