Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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