You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
