matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
