Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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