omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
