there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We have so much sex to catch up on
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
