Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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