Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
