No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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