Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize