I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
