it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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