apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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