My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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