i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
