i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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