I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
