The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
