She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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