are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
