Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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