If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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