do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
