So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
