So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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