Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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