nut hugger
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
