Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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