You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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