You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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