I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
