If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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