do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
