I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
