if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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