she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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