I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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