she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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